There was a bright light shining in Drood’s face. He was lying on his back on a cold hard floor as arcs of light above his head flooded the room. His head hurt and his mouth felt very dry. He could hear Bryan groaning next to him. Just then Doctor Fielding appeared before him again, squatting down beside him where he lay. She had a plastic drinking bottle which she handed to him. It was water, icy cold and with a mild citrus taste to it. He drank it down eagerly.
“One of the first things we ever noticed about Chrono-Displacement is that it causes dehydration. We’re not even sure why.” Said Doctor Fielding. Drood handed the bottle back to her. “You also probably have a thumping headache as well…” she said. Drood nodded dumbly. “I thought so. There was a mild pain killer in the water as well.” She handed the bottle to the figure next to Drood. “Here, Professor Camfield, drink this…” Bryan suddenly levered his large torso into a seating position next to Drood and poured water into his mouth. Drood looked round the room they were in. It looked like some sort of hyper-advanced technical laboratory – the sort of thing you see in toothpaste adverts where tremendously attractive looking people in white coats look at enormous 3-D images of plaque, while a tiny piece of writing at the bottom of the screen says “Dramatisation”.
“Where are we?” He asked eventually. Doctor Fielding stood up.
“You’re in a hyper-advanced technical laboratory in the central HQ of the Hinchcliffe-Camfield Corporation.” Drood was sorry he asked really. “And yes, before you ask, you are in the year 3596. You were caught in the Chrono-Displacement field…” Doctor Fielding didn’t seem best pleased by this turn of events.
“Shit!” Bryan suddenly spluttered. “3596!” He seemed genuinely distraught at this news. Drood put an arm round his shoulders.
“It’s OK, man. We’ll be OK…”
“Yeah, but I’m gonna miss ‘Top Gear’ now.” Bryan blew his nose on a distinctly dodgy looking handkerchief. Drood managed to stand up on somewhat wobbly legs; Doctor Fielding gave him a supporting hand.
“What happened, really?” He asked with a slightly pained voice. Doctor Fielding led him over to a couple of chairs and sat him down gently. She sat down next to him.
“You and Professor Camfield were caught in the Chrono-Displacement field.” She began. Drood nodded.
“Yeah, you said. Now explain again in words I can understand. What IS a Chrono-Displacement?” Bryan shuffled over at this moment and pulled up another chair. Doctor Fielding took a deep breath – the sort someone takes before relating a very long story that they’ve heard many times before.
“Mankind had strived for the goal of time travel for many years. The closest anyone got was with the abandoned Seagal-Sax Project. Then you and Professor Camfield had hypothesized the use of a quantum accelerator attached to a home baking machine and we were off and running.” Drood looked at Bryan who just shrugged in a non-committal way as Doctor Fielding continued. “Another one of the senior employees within the Hinchcliffe-Camfield Corporation, Professor Aldred, used your notes from the archives to continue the project and finally made the big breakthrough. Whereas other experiments had looked at projecting a capsule through time and space, the Hinchcliffe-Camfield premise was that to visit a specific place in time you needed to think about displacement. Physically removing a portion of space and time and replacing it with an identically sized portion of space and time from your own era. And it worked!” She beamed at them. “There is your proof!” She pointed eagerly at the floor where they had both been laying. In a neat circle was a small patch of grass cuttings. “From the lawn of the beer garden at The Meeting Place.” Drood peered down at the small green clippings.
“Couldn’t someone just have walked those in from outside?” He ventured. Doctor Fielding laughed with quite astonishing gusto.
“Outside?” Again she laughed more than is reasonably expected of such a lame statement. “Come here!” She beckoned Drood and Bryan over to one of the gleaming white walls. She waved a hand in front of it and it immediately shimmered and turned clear. They could see the outside world of 3596. They must have been at least 50-storeys high, and as far away as the eye could see there was a sprawling white conurbation. Everything gleamed as if new, but not a spot or jot of green could be seen. Vast sixteen lane highways hovered just above most of the buildings, and vehicles screamed past at bewildering speeds. There only seemed to be two makes of vehicles – vast monstrous tank like units that powered along looking solid and rugged, and small apparently one-person units that were long and thin, and if Drood was being very uncharitable would probably say looked like some sort of large scale version of an Ann Summers sex-toy. Here and there enormous screens floated serenely in the sky and pumped out ever changing images of adverts, news and what appeared to be weather reports about the Moon. But it was all eerily quiet despite so much action and movement.
“Dr Fielding, is this room sound-proofed?” asked Drood, indicating the vast amounts of traffic outside. She shook her head.
“Hydrogen engines with Hinchcliffe-Camfield Dampers. Both pollution and noise-free.” She said, and added “And please call me, Polly.” Drood and Bryan looked out on this white gleaming world of wonder.
“Where are we?” Asked Bryan, softly.
“You Sir, are in the London Borough of Hulke.” Came a voice from behind them. It was male, elderly, quite clipped and gave the impression that the owner of this voice was a short-tempered self important little shit. Drood, Bryan and Polly turned round. That assumption seemed quite correct.
“Ah, Professor Aldred…” Polly ushered Drood and Bryan towards the man. “This is Professor Hinchcliffe and Professor Camfield…” Aldred didn’t wait for them to reach him.
“I know who they are, Doctor Fielding.” He snapped. “What are they doing here?” Polly began to look flustered.
“During the last expedition, on return unfortunately the Professors were within the Displacement Field and got brought back here…” Polly was being politeness personified. It cut no ice with Aldred.
“This shows an alarming lack of professionalism, Doctor Fielding. I trust you de-contaminated the specimens?” He uttered the words with annoying clarity.
“Naturally.” Polly half turned and smiled apologetically at Drood and Bryan. Aldred moved closer to them and looked intently at Drood and then Bryan.
“I find it almost impossible to give credence to the idea that these two…” here he struggled to find the right word, “…gentlemen, are responsible for our glorious present.” Bryan’s face flushed with anger. He drew himself up to his full height, towering over Professor Aldred.
“Careful, granddad. Some of us ‘gentlemen’ take exception to being called a specimen.” Aldred removed his glasses and looked intently up at Bryan.
“Fascinating.” Said Aldred. “This one seems to think it can threaten me…” Bryan seemed to relax a little, smiling broadly and patting Aldred on his bald head.
“You ever speak to me like that again, Granddad, and you’ll have to shove a Steradent up your arsehole to clean your teeth…” Polly dashed forward at this point.
“Professor Camfield, please. Professor Aldred is just...er…just…” She wasn’t actually sure what Professor Aldred was. Being a curmudgeonly old wanker to be honest, but she couldn’t say that. “Professor Aldred. I shall be returning these gentlemen as soon as possible. No protocols have been breached.” Professor Aldred returned his spectacles to his face. He looked from Drood to Bryan and then over to Polly.
“The Chrono-Displacement Field is off line for general checks. It will be off line for 12 hours. Keep these two under supervision until then.” And with that he stalked off out of the laboratory. Polly turned and smiled apologetically at Drood and Bryan.
“Sorry. He’s a bit stuck in his ways.” She sighed. “Wants everything done by the book, you know?”
“Yeah. I know.” Said Drood. “One thing he said did puzzle me, though. Surely he was wrong – The London Borough of Hulke?” Polly shook her head.
“Nope, Hulke became part of the Greater London sprawl in about 2800.” She said. Drood was astonished and horrified.
“Hulke can’t be part of London. London’s about 150 miles away!” He cried. Polly turned to the walls the other side of the laboratory from the previous window she’d opened. Once more her hand waved in front of the white screen and once more it clarified. More urban sprawl disappeared off into the horizon – but there, right in the middle, still mostly free of buildings, was the stark unmistakeable ridges and lines of Silston Hill.
“One of the first things we ever noticed about Chrono-Displacement is that it causes dehydration. We’re not even sure why.” Said Doctor Fielding. Drood handed the bottle back to her. “You also probably have a thumping headache as well…” she said. Drood nodded dumbly. “I thought so. There was a mild pain killer in the water as well.” She handed the bottle to the figure next to Drood. “Here, Professor Camfield, drink this…” Bryan suddenly levered his large torso into a seating position next to Drood and poured water into his mouth. Drood looked round the room they were in. It looked like some sort of hyper-advanced technical laboratory – the sort of thing you see in toothpaste adverts where tremendously attractive looking people in white coats look at enormous 3-D images of plaque, while a tiny piece of writing at the bottom of the screen says “Dramatisation”.
“Where are we?” He asked eventually. Doctor Fielding stood up.
“You’re in a hyper-advanced technical laboratory in the central HQ of the Hinchcliffe-Camfield Corporation.” Drood was sorry he asked really. “And yes, before you ask, you are in the year 3596. You were caught in the Chrono-Displacement field…” Doctor Fielding didn’t seem best pleased by this turn of events.
“Shit!” Bryan suddenly spluttered. “3596!” He seemed genuinely distraught at this news. Drood put an arm round his shoulders.
“It’s OK, man. We’ll be OK…”
“Yeah, but I’m gonna miss ‘Top Gear’ now.” Bryan blew his nose on a distinctly dodgy looking handkerchief. Drood managed to stand up on somewhat wobbly legs; Doctor Fielding gave him a supporting hand.
“What happened, really?” He asked with a slightly pained voice. Doctor Fielding led him over to a couple of chairs and sat him down gently. She sat down next to him.
“You and Professor Camfield were caught in the Chrono-Displacement field.” She began. Drood nodded.
“Yeah, you said. Now explain again in words I can understand. What IS a Chrono-Displacement?” Bryan shuffled over at this moment and pulled up another chair. Doctor Fielding took a deep breath – the sort someone takes before relating a very long story that they’ve heard many times before.
“Mankind had strived for the goal of time travel for many years. The closest anyone got was with the abandoned Seagal-Sax Project. Then you and Professor Camfield had hypothesized the use of a quantum accelerator attached to a home baking machine and we were off and running.” Drood looked at Bryan who just shrugged in a non-committal way as Doctor Fielding continued. “Another one of the senior employees within the Hinchcliffe-Camfield Corporation, Professor Aldred, used your notes from the archives to continue the project and finally made the big breakthrough. Whereas other experiments had looked at projecting a capsule through time and space, the Hinchcliffe-Camfield premise was that to visit a specific place in time you needed to think about displacement. Physically removing a portion of space and time and replacing it with an identically sized portion of space and time from your own era. And it worked!” She beamed at them. “There is your proof!” She pointed eagerly at the floor where they had both been laying. In a neat circle was a small patch of grass cuttings. “From the lawn of the beer garden at The Meeting Place.” Drood peered down at the small green clippings.
“Couldn’t someone just have walked those in from outside?” He ventured. Doctor Fielding laughed with quite astonishing gusto.
“Outside?” Again she laughed more than is reasonably expected of such a lame statement. “Come here!” She beckoned Drood and Bryan over to one of the gleaming white walls. She waved a hand in front of it and it immediately shimmered and turned clear. They could see the outside world of 3596. They must have been at least 50-storeys high, and as far away as the eye could see there was a sprawling white conurbation. Everything gleamed as if new, but not a spot or jot of green could be seen. Vast sixteen lane highways hovered just above most of the buildings, and vehicles screamed past at bewildering speeds. There only seemed to be two makes of vehicles – vast monstrous tank like units that powered along looking solid and rugged, and small apparently one-person units that were long and thin, and if Drood was being very uncharitable would probably say looked like some sort of large scale version of an Ann Summers sex-toy. Here and there enormous screens floated serenely in the sky and pumped out ever changing images of adverts, news and what appeared to be weather reports about the Moon. But it was all eerily quiet despite so much action and movement.
“Dr Fielding, is this room sound-proofed?” asked Drood, indicating the vast amounts of traffic outside. She shook her head.
“Hydrogen engines with Hinchcliffe-Camfield Dampers. Both pollution and noise-free.” She said, and added “And please call me, Polly.” Drood and Bryan looked out on this white gleaming world of wonder.
“Where are we?” Asked Bryan, softly.
“You Sir, are in the London Borough of Hulke.” Came a voice from behind them. It was male, elderly, quite clipped and gave the impression that the owner of this voice was a short-tempered self important little shit. Drood, Bryan and Polly turned round. That assumption seemed quite correct.
“Ah, Professor Aldred…” Polly ushered Drood and Bryan towards the man. “This is Professor Hinchcliffe and Professor Camfield…” Aldred didn’t wait for them to reach him.
“I know who they are, Doctor Fielding.” He snapped. “What are they doing here?” Polly began to look flustered.
“During the last expedition, on return unfortunately the Professors were within the Displacement Field and got brought back here…” Polly was being politeness personified. It cut no ice with Aldred.
“This shows an alarming lack of professionalism, Doctor Fielding. I trust you de-contaminated the specimens?” He uttered the words with annoying clarity.
“Naturally.” Polly half turned and smiled apologetically at Drood and Bryan. Aldred moved closer to them and looked intently at Drood and then Bryan.
“I find it almost impossible to give credence to the idea that these two…” here he struggled to find the right word, “…gentlemen, are responsible for our glorious present.” Bryan’s face flushed with anger. He drew himself up to his full height, towering over Professor Aldred.
“Careful, granddad. Some of us ‘gentlemen’ take exception to being called a specimen.” Aldred removed his glasses and looked intently up at Bryan.
“Fascinating.” Said Aldred. “This one seems to think it can threaten me…” Bryan seemed to relax a little, smiling broadly and patting Aldred on his bald head.
“You ever speak to me like that again, Granddad, and you’ll have to shove a Steradent up your arsehole to clean your teeth…” Polly dashed forward at this point.
“Professor Camfield, please. Professor Aldred is just...er…just…” She wasn’t actually sure what Professor Aldred was. Being a curmudgeonly old wanker to be honest, but she couldn’t say that. “Professor Aldred. I shall be returning these gentlemen as soon as possible. No protocols have been breached.” Professor Aldred returned his spectacles to his face. He looked from Drood to Bryan and then over to Polly.
“The Chrono-Displacement Field is off line for general checks. It will be off line for 12 hours. Keep these two under supervision until then.” And with that he stalked off out of the laboratory. Polly turned and smiled apologetically at Drood and Bryan.
“Sorry. He’s a bit stuck in his ways.” She sighed. “Wants everything done by the book, you know?”
“Yeah. I know.” Said Drood. “One thing he said did puzzle me, though. Surely he was wrong – The London Borough of Hulke?” Polly shook her head.
“Nope, Hulke became part of the Greater London sprawl in about 2800.” She said. Drood was astonished and horrified.
“Hulke can’t be part of London. London’s about 150 miles away!” He cried. Polly turned to the walls the other side of the laboratory from the previous window she’d opened. Once more her hand waved in front of the white screen and once more it clarified. More urban sprawl disappeared off into the horizon – but there, right in the middle, still mostly free of buildings, was the stark unmistakeable ridges and lines of Silston Hill.
